I Feel..

November 1, 2013
 1:18 am



I feel so defeated, I am a strong person but yet I am so weak. All throughout my life I have tried to fit in but always fell short in that category. I know I should never have wanted to fit in and that I should just be happy about how I am as a person but can a person truly get over that?

I mean come on I am 18 years old, a freshman in college and I still can't seem to make an impression on people so they would remember who I am. My twin brother, on the other hand, has to literally do nothing.

No matter how hard I try it just never works out. I never fitted in at elementary school, high school, now not even college. My own church cant even accept me for who I am. I mean its pretty sad when I find out that my "church family" has been spreading rumors about me that I was pregnant, and it got back to my mom. I mean seriously I think I would have known if I was pregnant.

Life just seems so much to handle but yet I have so much to prove not only to the people who said I couldn't make anything of myself because they can go screw themselves. I have so much to prove to myself.

So yes, I am not "welcomed" in a lot of places, I maybe "weird" to the people who think that they are not, and yes I admit I even maybe "anti" sometimes, but I am unique and I have a lot to prove!

    ~Zamora~

Changing the lies when they become so real

If I ever had a chance to relive the past or change anything about what I've done in it. I most likely would not. It occurs to me that my mistakes have made me into the person that I am today and nothing would be the same if I changed anything.

Let the world know

Can you hear the sound of your worries trying to break free from the deepness of your insecurity?

Are you ashamed of your past and fear of letting that person know the truth?

It's time to step up and make a change, no more sitting in the background listening to what others have to say because you are afraid of rejection. This is life and life is not supose to be easy nor fun its meant for YOU! to make the best of it, it is worth it and it always will be :)

Really?

It seems the older I get the more I realize the truth.
No matter how many times you are told that you are loved, you won't really believe it until you are able to feel it.
 It is hardly impossible to function without the support of your family, but yet it's so easy.
I have wasted so many tears on my feelings of not being excepted by my family, but as it seems i never needed them because I brought myself up to where I didnt need to depend on other people

GoodBye,

"Oh yeah, I'll tell you something I think you'll understand When I say that something I wanna hold your hand"

This is it!!!
I know in the past I was so fixed upon getting to know who I was and why I wasn't excepted by the people I thought I should have been excepted by, so I spent my years alone and upset.

I made it to where I am now with your help and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and although we aren't actually related you will always be considered my family and please don't you ever forget it.

Now this is my time, this is what I have been observing from you for all these years, to be independent and able to go out on my own and know that even when you aren't there, you will always be in my heart.

From the day I turned 13 years of age up until now, you may have not been there for every second of my life but you have honestly made an impact on me into making me the person I am today.

Alvin          Myra                                                                    Kereem         Natazhia
Oscar          Natacha                                                                Samantha     Boosie
Lisa             Demetrius                                                            Rachel
Christina     Daryl                                                                    Bergandy
Cody                                                                                        NiVana

And to you, the ones who made it in there will to try and keep me down, who made me feel like I was useless, who only looked down upon me.
I wish you the best of luck with your life and to let you know that I love and thank you as well and also that I forgive you. You know exactly who you are. :)

To my family(whom most likely will not be reading this)
It took me until now to see that no matter how much you told me you were supporting me but yet never showed up to an event, you still cared. You are such a weird family but I wouldn't trade any second of it for the world. Because the doubt that you placed in my heart also helped me to be the person I am today.

Now...
You all were  keeping me here for a reason that I now see,
I am destined to do amazing and extrodinary things
and I see that now, I am now senior in high school, I am band captain/ flute section leader.
I have an amazing boyfriend(Steffen) who supports me and sets me straight when ever I think negative.


SO with all of that said.
Goodbye to my old life and hello to my new amazing life,
...

Song of the day

It still amazes me how you are able to listen to a song and your emotions can become attacked to that song, so when you go back and listen to it sometime later those emotions come back

True?

"With every smile there is a demon waiting and watchoing your every move"

Learn to face them as they appear instead of push
ing them away