If I ever had a chance to relive the past or change anything about what I've done in it. I most likely would not. It occurs to me that my mistakes have made me into the person that I am today and nothing would be the same if I changed anything.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Let the world know
Can you hear the sound of your worries trying to break free from the deepness of your insecurity?
Are you ashamed of your past and fear of letting that person know the truth?
It's time to step up and make a change, no more sitting in the background listening to what others have to say because you are afraid of rejection. This is life and life is not supose to be easy nor fun its meant for YOU! to make the best of it, it is worth it and it always will be :)
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Really?
It seems the older I get the more I realize the truth.
No matter how many times you are told that you are loved, you won't really believe it until you are able to feel it.
It is hardly impossible to function without the support of your family, but yet it's so easy.
I have wasted so many tears on my feelings of not being excepted by my family, but as it seems i never needed them because I brought myself up to where I didnt need to depend on other people
Monday, June 25, 2012
GoodBye,
"Oh yeah, I'll tell you something I think you'll understand When I say that something I wanna hold your hand"
This is it!!!
I know in the past I was so fixed upon getting to know who I was and why I wasn't excepted by the people I thought I should have been excepted by, so I spent my years alone and upset.
I made it to where I am now with your help and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and although we aren't actually related you will always be considered my family and please don't you ever forget it.
Now this is my time, this is what I have been observing from you for all these years, to be independent and able to go out on my own and know that even when you aren't there, you will always be in my heart.
From the day I turned 13 years of age up until now, you may have not been there for every second of my life but you have honestly made an impact on me into making me the person I am today.
Alvin Myra Kereem Natazhia
Oscar Natacha Samantha Boosie
Lisa Demetrius Rachel
Christina Daryl Bergandy
Cody NiVana
And to you, the ones who made it in there will to try and keep me down, who made me feel like I was useless, who only looked down upon me.
I wish you the best of luck with your life and to let you know that I love and thank you as well and also that I forgive you. You know exactly who you are. :)
To my family(whom most likely will not be reading this)
It took me until now to see that no matter how much you told me you were supporting me but yet never showed up to an event, you still cared. You are such a weird family but I wouldn't trade any second of it for the world. Because the doubt that you placed in my heart also helped me to be the person I am today.
Now...
You all were keeping me here for a reason that I now see,
I am destined to do amazing and extrodinary things
and I see that now, I am now senior in high school, I am band captain/ flute section leader.
I have an amazing boyfriend(Steffen) who supports me and sets me straight when ever I think negative.
SO with all of that said.
Goodbye to my old life and hello to my new amazing life,
...
This is it!!!
I know in the past I was so fixed upon getting to know who I was and why I wasn't excepted by the people I thought I should have been excepted by, so I spent my years alone and upset.
I made it to where I am now with your help and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and although we aren't actually related you will always be considered my family and please don't you ever forget it.
Now this is my time, this is what I have been observing from you for all these years, to be independent and able to go out on my own and know that even when you aren't there, you will always be in my heart.
From the day I turned 13 years of age up until now, you may have not been there for every second of my life but you have honestly made an impact on me into making me the person I am today.
Alvin Myra Kereem Natazhia
Oscar Natacha Samantha Boosie
Lisa Demetrius Rachel
Christina Daryl Bergandy
Cody NiVana
And to you, the ones who made it in there will to try and keep me down, who made me feel like I was useless, who only looked down upon me.
I wish you the best of luck with your life and to let you know that I love and thank you as well and also that I forgive you. You know exactly who you are. :)
To my family(whom most likely will not be reading this)
It took me until now to see that no matter how much you told me you were supporting me but yet never showed up to an event, you still cared. You are such a weird family but I wouldn't trade any second of it for the world. Because the doubt that you placed in my heart also helped me to be the person I am today.
Now...
You all were keeping me here for a reason that I now see,
I am destined to do amazing and extrodinary things
and I see that now, I am now senior in high school, I am band captain/ flute section leader.
I have an amazing boyfriend(Steffen) who supports me and sets me straight when ever I think negative.
SO with all of that said.
Goodbye to my old life and hello to my new amazing life,
...
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Song of the day
It still amazes me how you are able to listen to a song and your emotions can become attacked to that song, so when you go back and listen to it sometime later those emotions come back
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
True?
"With every smile there is a demon waiting and watchoing your every move"
Learn to face them as they appear instead of push
ing them away
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Can you tell?
Some people may not notice but a picture can tell soo much more than just words.
Look at the back ground, the main characters eyes, facial expression. So many things that needed to be said were left unsaid.
"My heart races to see the morning sky, not knowing if my life will ever pass me by, I cried night after night, hoping it would change, but then I spotted something very strange, it wasn't the sun nor the moon, but the love that was once between us two, I once thought my race was for the future, but turns out... nothing has come from it, I regretfully cry as I constantly think of the life that could have been, instead of the torment I've been living in"
"Fear strikes my heart as I could possible face the challenges I've never in my life had to deal with.
I feel as if I'm stuck between what is real which feels like hell and what could be, the stress toll is beyond my breaking point and I dont think anyone sees that. If I could choose a different life for myself I possible wouldnt hesitate."
"My heart races to see the morning sky, not knowing if my life will ever pass me by, I cried night after night, hoping it would change, but then I spotted something very strange, it wasn't the sun nor the moon, but the love that was once between us two, I once thought my race was for the future, but turns out... nothing has come from it, I regretfully cry as I constantly think of the life that could have been, instead of the torment I've been living in"
"Fear strikes my heart as I could possible face the challenges I've never in my life had to deal with.
I feel as if I'm stuck between what is real which feels like hell and what could be, the stress toll is beyond my breaking point and I dont think anyone sees that. If I could choose a different life for myself I possible wouldnt hesitate."
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Mutual Hate or Reverse Jealousy
Is it Mutual Hate or Reverse Jealousy?
In life people have to face others bulling them and it gets to the point where it gets to be just way to much, and then we have those people who say they are just jealous about what you have or how you look but if you consider it....
1. If you are the one being talked about and you return the same thing, are you really helping yourself?
2. If you are the one doing the bullying are you really insecure about your own fate?
It's honestly weird to me because I have been on both ends(Shame on me :/ )
When someone use to talk about me or bully me I would want to do it right back to them to show how much they ae really bothering me...But now I'm starting to ponder on those thoughts.
If they were jealous of me and did all that and I turn around and do the same thing to them does that make me jealous of them? Lol and yes it seems so weird to think about but picture it.
Shockingly I have always wanted to be apart of the "cool" crowd but never got there( I was always on the side of the weird ones but it's honestly funny because we don't have to get drunk or high just to have fun with eachother)
Like really......
Tell me what you guys think
In life people have to face others bulling them and it gets to the point where it gets to be just way to much, and then we have those people who say they are just jealous about what you have or how you look but if you consider it....
1. If you are the one being talked about and you return the same thing, are you really helping yourself?
2. If you are the one doing the bullying are you really insecure about your own fate?
It's honestly weird to me because I have been on both ends(Shame on me :/ )
When someone use to talk about me or bully me I would want to do it right back to them to show how much they ae really bothering me...But now I'm starting to ponder on those thoughts.
If they were jealous of me and did all that and I turn around and do the same thing to them does that make me jealous of them? Lol and yes it seems so weird to think about but picture it.
Shockingly I have always wanted to be apart of the "cool" crowd but never got there( I was always on the side of the weird ones but it's honestly funny because we don't have to get drunk or high just to have fun with eachother)
Like really......
Tell me what you guys think
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Even Through
Even through the worst events love has still managed to give me a chance
I saw it happen
but i looked away
Was it real?
I ask myself everyday
I noticed the tears
and I felt the pain
but until this day
I live in shame.
No one saw
the damage I seen
surely they could have heard
those painful screams
Days went on
and no one knew
I guess the past
was forgotten too.
With this note
I tell my story
unless it happens
I should live in glory.
My heart was overwhelmed
but no one knew
the torment and pain
I was always put through
The moments I would
put everyone first
and in the end got
treated like dirt.
It just so happens
that through the tears
I never thought
I never thought...
I could discover my self.
I saw it happen
but i looked away
Was it real?
I ask myself everyday
I noticed the tears
and I felt the pain
but until this day
I live in shame.
No one saw
the damage I seen
surely they could have heard
those painful screams
Days went on
and no one knew
I guess the past
was forgotten too.
With this note
I tell my story
unless it happens
I should live in glory.
My heart was overwhelmed
but no one knew
the torment and pain
I was always put through
The moments I would
put everyone first
and in the end got
treated like dirt.
It just so happens
that through the tears
I never thought
I never thought...
I could discover my self.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
~Song Of the Day~
"For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us"(Rom.8:18).
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Love? Looks? Beauty? Whats The Point?
The human heart is really a difficult place to be.
What good does it do to tell someone you love them or care for them when all you do is dis them infront of everyone.
Sounds to me like some people dont have everything figured out.
“Are you true to yourself?
Nevertheless life will go on with or without you
People search high and low trying to find that “love of your life” person and yet never find them in the people they were looking at.
I admit I use to not think that looks were important and then I abandoned that statement when I met this guy. He was beyond sexy and I wanted to at least be his friend. But the more I got to know him the more I realized, He is never gonna not starr at himself long to even notice how I am feeling. But now, looks are important but they aren’t as important as the personality.
Yes, yes, people say only ugly people would say that which is not true because no one is ugly. It’s just how they appear to you. Because if you block someone out because you think they are ugly then you probably just have missed out on a very awesome person, and you chance for true love is probably gone.(Sadly)
So dont be so quick to judge a person off before you get to know them.
What good does it do to tell someone you love them or care for them when all you do is dis them infront of everyone.
Sounds to me like some people dont have everything figured out.
“Are you true to yourself?
Nevertheless life will go on with or without you
People search high and low trying to find that “love of your life” person and yet never find them in the people they were looking at.
I admit I use to not think that looks were important and then I abandoned that statement when I met this guy. He was beyond sexy and I wanted to at least be his friend. But the more I got to know him the more I realized, He is never gonna not starr at himself long to even notice how I am feeling. But now, looks are important but they aren’t as important as the personality.
Yes, yes, people say only ugly people would say that which is not true because no one is ugly. It’s just how they appear to you. Because if you block someone out because you think they are ugly then you probably just have missed out on a very awesome person, and you chance for true love is probably gone.(Sadly)
So dont be so quick to judge a person off before you get to know them.
~Destiny Calls Within~
"Begin, relive, react, forgive"
~Begin loving yourself the way you know that you should be. Forget the people who talk about you and make fun of you, their laughter only lasts a second but your confedince lasts a lifetime.
~Relive the times you thought that you had no more strength to keep going. Think of the past events that have made you into the person you are now and although those times maybe bad never let them re-enter into your life and change you again.
~React your best memories, live and breath your talents, don't let them go to waste because if you don't use them you lose them.
~Forgive, when everything is set and done, it is time for you to forgive the ones who have made your life a challenge because even though they meant to hurt you, if not for them you would have never known how to deal with that situation.
~Begin loving yourself the way you know that you should be. Forget the people who talk about you and make fun of you, their laughter only lasts a second but your confedince lasts a lifetime.
~Relive the times you thought that you had no more strength to keep going. Think of the past events that have made you into the person you are now and although those times maybe bad never let them re-enter into your life and change you again.
~React your best memories, live and breath your talents, don't let them go to waste because if you don't use them you lose them.
~Forgive, when everything is set and done, it is time for you to forgive the ones who have made your life a challenge because even though they meant to hurt you, if not for them you would have never known how to deal with that situation.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Silence
It's very hard to explain just how bad words can hurt a person. Certain people say things out of anger, they say them just to be mean but what they dont understand is even though they maybe venting their hatred toward the person. The person who is recieving it is the one who is really getting hurt. So please when you are mad with a person don't tell them things that they are not just because you want to see them cry because you never know, you could very well end up making their family and relatives cry at the funeral. Then where will that leave you?
" The tears of blood formed a shape, the shape of love we use to make"
The tongue is the most deadliest weapon a person can be hurt by, you can heal by physical wounds but emotional scars are there forever. So please if you are reading this and you know someone who is hurting someone by saying hurtful things or bullying them. Please take the time to get them some help because after they realize their mistake it might be too late.
" The tears of blood formed a shape, the shape of love we use to make"
The tongue is the most deadliest weapon a person can be hurt by, you can heal by physical wounds but emotional scars are there forever. So please if you are reading this and you know someone who is hurting someone by saying hurtful things or bullying them. Please take the time to get them some help because after they realize their mistake it might be too late.
You Are Dismissed
"Let the broken hearted speak up or forever be damned to the ones who have controlled their live"
We have so many people with amazing ideas in the world but yet they are afraid to speak up and share those ideas because of what others may say. Being afraid and letting others take over for you is only setting you back, trust me I learned that the hard way. There are times where I wish I could have gone back and spoken up instead of letting them change me, but when your young and have no friends you tend to settle for anything. WRONG! settling is just your way of saying you give up and giving up is not an option, because you have only failed when you give up.
We have so many people with amazing ideas in the world but yet they are afraid to speak up and share those ideas because of what others may say. Being afraid and letting others take over for you is only setting you back, trust me I learned that the hard way. There are times where I wish I could have gone back and spoken up instead of letting them change me, but when your young and have no friends you tend to settle for anything. WRONG! settling is just your way of saying you give up and giving up is not an option, because you have only failed when you give up.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
My Demons
It's amazing how children can laugh and play around with no care in the world. Everything to them is a play ground and nothing can bring them down. Somedays I wish my life was like a little kids life, everyday I wake up I have no care in the world, but instead I have what I have. They don't understand how bad they are hurting me and when I try to tell them they say I'm arguing with them.
"The tears they fell but yet no one came around
When I was down and alone they told me to get over it
The love and compassion is being taken over by hatred and emptiness
Is this the end of a loving heart and the begining of a dreadful life
Or is it fate that my soul be condemed to the suffering it's been placed under
This is not clear to me"
I'm holding on by a very thin piece of thread but it's slowly being taken from me, inch by inch. It honestly seems like I have had been trapped in a cage all my life and they are picking at me with a stick trying to get me to react, but when I don't they pick even harder.
"The tears they fell but yet no one came around
When I was down and alone they told me to get over it
The love and compassion is being taken over by hatred and emptiness
Is this the end of a loving heart and the begining of a dreadful life
Or is it fate that my soul be condemed to the suffering it's been placed under
This is not clear to me"
I'm holding on by a very thin piece of thread but it's slowly being taken from me, inch by inch. It honestly seems like I have had been trapped in a cage all my life and they are picking at me with a stick trying to get me to react, but when I don't they pick even harder.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Good News!
GOOD NEWS!!!!!!
Okay so lately I haven't been writting songs,stories, or drawing so I pretty much have done nothing with my life these past few months after Decemember.( Weird I know) but I have decided to start on a new novel that I am gonna write( The publishing thing isn't really my thing because rejection and I dont really get along.) The Name of my new book is England's Fate( Sounds a bit weird). It's so weird because growing up I would have these ideas in my head like tv shows and they would play and I would be the star in them so I wouldnt feel left out. In these ideas it would show the good, the bad, the ups, and the downs. The good guys would eventually mess up and not everything has a happy ending.... I was a very weird child.. Love was stupid, I would rather everything end in a tragic to resemble how my life was.
But other than that...
I have decided to start over, No more love can only break a man.
I thought...why would you wanna break a man? Because he hurt you? Well that's not a good thing to toy with a mans heart just to get repay him for how he treated you so I took a new leaf...
"Dismissed"
Have you ever just wanted to get out and be left alone? Just for a little while but you never had the chance?
What about the popular kids at school picking on you and your group of friends, have you ever just wish you never had met them?
Or about the times you've cried alone in your room and no one came to see what was wrong with you or even cared?
Well the good news is it's time to dismiss those feelings, because you wouldnt dwell on the past if you made a better future for yourself?
Or you wouldnt think of those bullies at school during the summer?
You wouldn't cry if you knew everything would be alright?
I have tried to hide for so long, the feelings that have been bottled up inside of me but now I'm breaking free, and trust me :) it's gonna be okay!
Okay so lately I haven't been writting songs,stories, or drawing so I pretty much have done nothing with my life these past few months after Decemember.( Weird I know) but I have decided to start on a new novel that I am gonna write( The publishing thing isn't really my thing because rejection and I dont really get along.) The Name of my new book is England's Fate( Sounds a bit weird). It's so weird because growing up I would have these ideas in my head like tv shows and they would play and I would be the star in them so I wouldnt feel left out. In these ideas it would show the good, the bad, the ups, and the downs. The good guys would eventually mess up and not everything has a happy ending.... I was a very weird child.. Love was stupid, I would rather everything end in a tragic to resemble how my life was.
But other than that...
I have decided to start over, No more love can only break a man.
I thought...why would you wanna break a man? Because he hurt you? Well that's not a good thing to toy with a mans heart just to get repay him for how he treated you so I took a new leaf...
"Dismissed"
Have you ever just wanted to get out and be left alone? Just for a little while but you never had the chance?
What about the popular kids at school picking on you and your group of friends, have you ever just wish you never had met them?
Or about the times you've cried alone in your room and no one came to see what was wrong with you or even cared?
Well the good news is it's time to dismiss those feelings, because you wouldnt dwell on the past if you made a better future for yourself?
Or you wouldnt think of those bullies at school during the summer?
You wouldn't cry if you knew everything would be alright?
I have tried to hide for so long, the feelings that have been bottled up inside of me but now I'm breaking free, and trust me :) it's gonna be okay!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Then? Or Now?
This is a new begining, for you and me.
Hello, my name is Zamora Ki and I am an artist, some people only assume that when a person says artist that they mean music. Well yes I do sing but I also dance,design,write, and place together things. I started drawing out clothes when I was only 6 years old and I have been doing it ever since. I have been singing since I was 8 and I do it more now than I ever have. I have been dancing since I was 13, the reason I started was because I would come up with dances to music and make routines out of them. I have been writing since I was 12. I have written The Passionate Lover, The Passionate Lover Returns, One Begining, Gregors Acdemy, and much more(I have tons of short stories). Now people may ask me why I am doing all of this, well when I was younger I didnt really have much and hated being different from everyone else, I tried sooo hard to fit in with everyone else, trying to alter my personality. The older I got the worse I felt out of place, my family didnt really help me they only blamed me for more things that I never did. So when I got to be 13 everything changed for me, I was spiraling out of control, my life was no where, where it needed to be and I still hadnt found any friends that I felt comportable being around. There were nights where I would plan a suicidal note but everytime I thought about how many people i would hurt even though they didnt see just how bad they were hurting me, so I gave up trying. It took me awhile to realize that I was never alone because I had God along my side the whole time. When I was 15 I went to this summer camp. I was soo nervous that I thought of backing out and not even showing up, but I am glad that I went because that camp taught me so much. "Take what you have to make what you need." It taught me that there are people out there who are like me and that I dont have to change to please them because they like me for me, and although the camp was about the community,it taught me that no matter what I can always return to home. SO now, I am 17 years old, I have struggled with depression, abuse, eating disorders, and much more but through it all God has been by my side and now I'm here to live out my purpose :).
Zamora Ki
Fashion Designer, Singer, Writer
Hello, my name is Zamora Ki and I am an artist, some people only assume that when a person says artist that they mean music. Well yes I do sing but I also dance,design,write, and place together things. I started drawing out clothes when I was only 6 years old and I have been doing it ever since. I have been singing since I was 8 and I do it more now than I ever have. I have been dancing since I was 13, the reason I started was because I would come up with dances to music and make routines out of them. I have been writing since I was 12. I have written The Passionate Lover, The Passionate Lover Returns, One Begining, Gregors Acdemy, and much more(I have tons of short stories). Now people may ask me why I am doing all of this, well when I was younger I didnt really have much and hated being different from everyone else, I tried sooo hard to fit in with everyone else, trying to alter my personality. The older I got the worse I felt out of place, my family didnt really help me they only blamed me for more things that I never did. So when I got to be 13 everything changed for me, I was spiraling out of control, my life was no where, where it needed to be and I still hadnt found any friends that I felt comportable being around. There were nights where I would plan a suicidal note but everytime I thought about how many people i would hurt even though they didnt see just how bad they were hurting me, so I gave up trying. It took me awhile to realize that I was never alone because I had God along my side the whole time. When I was 15 I went to this summer camp. I was soo nervous that I thought of backing out and not even showing up, but I am glad that I went because that camp taught me so much. "Take what you have to make what you need." It taught me that there are people out there who are like me and that I dont have to change to please them because they like me for me, and although the camp was about the community,it taught me that no matter what I can always return to home. SO now, I am 17 years old, I have struggled with depression, abuse, eating disorders, and much more but through it all God has been by my side and now I'm here to live out my purpose :).
Zamora Ki
Fashion Designer, Singer, Writer
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